games

Most are unaware of this fact, but I was born a poor child. This story may appear to start similar to that of Steve Martin in The Jerk, but I assure you, the two tales are vastly different. Truth be told, that is one of my favorite movies, but it has no parallels to my own life story. No, my story is far more sophisticated. I was orphaned at a very young age, and forced to live on the streets. Living in such harsh conditions, lead my friends and I to develop a sort of bitter sense of humor. Given this, we came up with some of the most mentally, emotionally, and physically demanding games known to man. One such game was called bum tag. The rules were simple, find a bum, grab his stash of money, and run. Then run some more, and keep running even still. The victor you may ask? It was of course the one who could run through the most traffic, the bum still in pursuit, and manage not to get hit by a car. This may seem simple to you, but it was much more complex to us. Different levels of traffic amounted to different points, the most points being awarded to thruway sprinters. Points were also awarded if you were hit by a car and unable to consider your dash to freedom. However, major bonus points were awarded to the brave souls who were hit, stood up, and continued to run from the pursuing homeless gentleman. Points also were awarded if you escaped from multiple bums chasing you at the same time. This game would come to a rapid conclusion if you or one of your friends was captured and taken to bum jail, a phrase meaning being assaulted in any way by a pursuing bum in an alley. This was a most unfortunate occurrence.