10/25-10/29 #3

In today’s society, there seems to be a generous lack of role models and people worth looking up to. This makes the task of determining someone I look up to near impossible. If I had to pick one person I look up to, it would have to be someone truly incredible. I am talking about, of course, Tom Green. He is the absolute epitome of genius, and the human incarnation of awesomeness. How anyone could not see how Tom Green is an ideal role model for people from all walks of life is beyond me. He is clearly who children need to be looking up to. It is so refreshing to have someone in the spotlight who promotes positive morals and an optimistic outlook in life in general. He would never, ever intentionally do something for the purpose of irritating another person, or even think about capitalizing at the expense of others. You will never see Tom Green doing anything your grandma wouldn’t approve of. He really is a fantastic individual. The very best thing about Tom is the fact that he doesn’t claim to be a hero, even though we all know he is. It is a fool who doesn’t see what a genuinely nice person Tom Green is. This nation needs more men like him. Absolutely every aspect of his life is oozing with the kind of perfection only found in one other person. That’s right folks, Chris Pontius. Together, these men have the potential to do great things. Why not make an awesome TV show? I believe that MTV 2 has some time slots open, seen as though all they play anymore are re-runs of room raiders and made. I do believe that once this plan is put into action, Michelle Obama will once again be comfortable looking on her country with pride.

10/25-10/29 #2

Injuries are not fun. I think that this goes without saying. I, Johnny Law, wish to share with you a tale that explains one of my past injuries, but also demonstrates my obvious manly toughness. I assure you that this story is one hundred percent non-fiction, so please don’t doubt my authenticity. I’ll start this one from the top. The date was April the twenty-first 1996. I’d only been on the force for one year at the time, so I was still pretty much a rookie. It was a brisk day, and one that was just strange in general. Earlier that week, I had to deal with two hooligans that had a couple squirt guns, and were bingin’ da ruckus all over town! This was the first real action I had seen up until that point, and all the guys back at the station held me as a hero for this act of bravery. With the knowledge that I was the baddest cop in the force, I was ready to hit the streets once more. Now back to the twenty first. As I said before, this day was strange. It was like nothing bad was happening, so I figured the only logical thing to do would be to instigate the random teenagers around town until one of them did something irrational. That would be the only way to keep my title as the coolest cop in the town. The first few teenagers to walk by, I questioned them intensely. I poked one in the chest and he stepped back, saying he didn’t want any trouble. I knew he was lying right away, so I threw him to the ground and tried to cuff him. I decided this would be much easier if he was unconscious, so I kicked him in the head repeatedly. Eventually, I got the cuffs on him, and started taking him to the car. On the way over, I stubbed my toe on a rock, and it was all that trouble maker’s fault! He was later convicted of resisting arrest and assaulting an officer of the law. That wasn’t the end for me though. I suffered from post-traumatic stress for several years, and saw a police shrink for a while. I still have nightmares, but at least I’m still the coolest cop in town.

10/25-10/29 #1

Ah, Ryan Pinkowski. Where does one even begin to fathom the activities Ryan partakes in during his free time? All I know is that whatever it is, it makes him very sleepy. This is demonstrated by the almost constant tired and drawn out look in his face. The mystery activity also makes Ryan very, very happy. We know this to be true, because he always comes into school in the morning with a big smile on his face. This activity must take up a big portion of his life, because whatever it is, it distracts him to the point of not being able to perform his school work. This activity must be very important to him if he allows it to prohibit him from getting decent grades. We all know that grades are one of the most important things for a teenager to maintain, so whatever Ryan does in his spare time, it must be very important!!! The only thing that could possibly make sense is the thing I witnessed Ryan doing last Saturday evening. Ryan was teaching orphans to read from the bible all night! He taught them proper spelling, grammar, and even moral connotations. Clearly the fact that he stays up all night teaching orphans to read is the source of his sleepiness and inability to function in class. The satisfaction he gets from his job must be the source of the big smile he wears on his face almost every morning when he comes into school. Gee, what a great guy that Ryan Pinkowski is. I mean just think about it! He teaches orphans to read! While most other teenagers are out stealing from A-Plus, getting into fights, and using drugs in the streets, Ryan is busy showing the magic of literacy to under-privileged children. He is truly a source of inspiration for us all.

10/18-10/22 #3

The scariest place on earth would have to be Mexico. It’s filled with drug cartels and dangerous rebels that serve to make this country a very hostile environment. Mexico has no money, which assists to make it a terrifying place. Just think, these people have a space program! This is not something to be done on a low budget. What happens if you have to go to the hospital in Mexico? I can only imagine that the most sophisticated tools they have are a pair of pliers and a jar of paint thinner. Also, have you ever heard of any lakes in Mexico? How can you run a country without any fresh water? No wonder everyone’s trying to leave! That place is just terrible. I think the best thing to do about this is to avoid Mexico in general.I'm in a crappy mood and it's my birthday, so I'm gonna stop talking before I say anything too offensive.

10/18-10/22 #2

Sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Boss here. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. And during the turn of the millennium in Alden, New York, that man was Nate Bailey. Now the boss’ story takes place right about the time of our conflict with Sadam and the Iraqis. Only reason this is worth mentioning is because it goes along with a pretty sweet quote from The Big Lebowski . Truth be told, this here prerequisite don’t have much relevance to Nate’s story, but I felt it was a pretty moving introduction. Now one day as the boss was roaming on home from a long evening at that ol’ watering hole he loved so much, he came across a lonely old hotel. Sign over the door read “Hotel California” which was simple enough to lull any man into a false sense of security. The boss rolled in to find it vacant; quiet enough to hear even the faintest moan from a stuck pig (I liked that line). Nate decided he would be a fool not to let himself into a room and proceeded to do so. He tried to rest his eyes for a minute on the dusty bed, but was soon greeted by a whole company of ghosts. Boss man booked it to the door but a spirit beat him to it. Darkness washed over the Boss, darker then a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. From this there was no escape. The boss is still stuck in that room today, trying to escape from all the dastardly spirits that haunt him. I for one find it rather displeasing that we won’t be hearing from the boss any time soon.

10/18-10/22 #1

Nate Bailey is in fact a boss. Haters gonna hate. You may wonder what makes him a boss. The answer is simple: He doesn’t need a reason, he’s Nate Bailey. Because I don’t have any supporting arguments for this statement (and don’t need any) I wish to take this time to talk to you about a recent incident at Alden high school, during which a plague of angry cats descended upon the school. First off, it is important for you to know that they are dangerous! Do not make any attempt to approach these cats, as they are vicious and ready to kill. They hide in heaters and recycling bins, waiting for unsuspecting victims to pass by. Respected reporter Zach Rogers will be submitting an article to Alden’s online newspaper in which he details the facts you need to know about these vile felines, so I won’t steal his thunder. Still looking for another 100 words, I will be forced to ramble about nothing specific. One point worth mentioning is the incredible lack of work ethic from the student behind me. All he has done in the past 20 minutes is discuss bringing more cats into school, and listen to music entirely too loud. He has also been listening to the song 2am by Slightly Stoopid, which is a very good song, but not one conducive to completing work on time. His actions prove to me that he is not a boss. Nate Bailey, on the other hand, is. Face.

10/11-10/15 #3

The Best Band ERRRR!!!!!!!!!
I have to say, I absolutely hate this blog prompt. It’s absolute trash if you ask me. One may wonder how such a light hearted question prompted such a harsh response. Well the answer to that question is quite simple actually. For a person such as me who listens to a great variety of music, it would be impossible to select one band that tops all the rest. Each band I listen to has their own distinct styles, and I enjoy all of them, or else I wouldn’t listen to them. It is, in my opinion, wrong to be closed minded to a particular style of music, except country of course, because country is just terrible. I don’t even know what country music is other than trash. It’s like it’s trying to be blues, or bluegrass, or rock or something. All of those are just fine on their own, but when you combine them, add a liquored up singer, and toss in a few stereotypes of the southern United States, you just get garbage. But anyways, the way I see it, a good band needs just a few things for me to listen. A: the singer must be over the age of sixteen. B: Know how to rip on a guitar or a drum set before you try. C: Have a message of some sort and believe in it. Don’t just sing about nothing in the hopes of making a quick buck. D: You gotta be able to jam.