finale

I am tasked with writing my final blog with a prompt of my choice. However, for this particular blog, I am yet to decide on a subject. In lieu of one thing in particular, I will instead make several observations about this classroom. Zach Dabb is wearing a grey shirt. It says BELIEVE. I do not yet know what he is believing in. He is also rocking a pretty fly chain. This can be referred to as a chain (as seen by my original statement) or simply as ice. This kid named John (alias Jay-Z) rocks some pretty solid ice. You may be fooled into thinking he is wearing a spot of frozen water on his outfit, but I assure you, it is simply an assortment of gold chains. Jay-Z was in detention with Zach Rogers yesterday. He and his other freshman friends were discussing their wild freshmen parties. If you are in their inner circle, you know these as freshman Rage-O-Rama. I bet those are pretty wild, right? Half of our class is wearing white. This is because it is white-out day. This is the first time theme week has featured a white out day. My what a silly theme that was. Just wear white. Ok? If nothing else, we all appear to be white supremacists, which, as you would imagine is quite an issue. Nate’s Netflix crew is ridiculously long, which is why he is yet to watch American Beauty. This is most unfortunate, as it is a very interesting movie, and I’m sure he would appreciate it. Perhaps it is time for him to just go to9 family video and rent it, eh? Eh is a term usually attributed to Canadians. These Canadians infiltrate America through our malls. They are terrible drivers and have no fashion sense. Go away.

forizzle

In today’s world, there seems to be a peculiar lack of creativity. No place is this more evident than in the American food industry. It seems as though any fool can prepare a bland, tasteless meal, completely lacking in any culinary insight and with more calories than flavor, and sell it successfully in the United States. I find this to be a horrid abomination to the way of life people are meant to live. Human beings have been blessed with creativity for a reason: to use it! The issue here is that we are doing just the opposite of that when it comes to our food. Nowadays, all one must do to make an acceptable meal is to throw some meat on a plate and call it a day. It’s disgusting! However, I am happy to announce that there seems to be hope on the horizon. One classic food is making a big comeback, and adding some variety to the American plate. That dish is, of course, nachos. That’s right folks, I said nachos. What is so special about nachos you may ask? Well the answer to that is quite simple. The secret behind why nachos are so fantastic lies in their sheer versatility! Think about that for a moment. You can put quite literally anything on nachos and consider them acceptable. You may find this quite hypocritical, as I was just ranting about some of the poor things that can be passed off as food, but there is a distinct difference here. Nachos bring out the creativity and individuality in people. There is an unlimited list of toppings for nachos, making no two servings exactly the same. Nachos display the personality of the chef who is responsible for making them. They are the creative spark that the food industry needs to revamp their tastes, so stay hungry fellow americans.

Chad Henne Rules!

Miami. What an awful, awful, terrible, despicable, horrible, substandard, mediocre, unacceptable, crappy, cruddy, crummy, classless, deficient, beastly, dissatisfactory, dreadful, erroneous, poor, raunchy, incorrect, godawful, grungy, icky, ugly, poor, inadequet, fallacious, faulty, lame, scary, rough, damaging, dangerous, deleterious, detrimental, hurtful, injurious, ruinous, unhealthy, base, corrupt, criminal, delinquent, evil, iniquitous, mean, reprobate, sinful, vicious, vile, villainous, wicked, wrong, disobedient, ill-behaved, misbehaving, naughty, unruly, wrong, moldy, off, putrid, rancid, rotten, sour, spoiled, disastrous, distressing, grave, harsh, intense, painful, serious, terrible, ailing, diseased, ill, in pain, unwell, adverse, disagreeable, discouraged, discouraging, displeasing, distressed, gloomy, grim, melancholy, troubled, troubling, unfavorable, unfortunate, unhappy, unpleasant ,  brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, doltish, dopey, dull, dumb, dummy, foolish, futile, gullible, half-baked, half-witted, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, laughable, loser, ludicrous, meaningless, mindless, moronic, naive, nonsensical, obtuse, out to lunch, pointless, puerile, rash, senseless, shortsighted, simple, simpleminded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupefied, thick, thick-headed, trivial, unintelligent, unthinking, witless, batty, campy, crazy, daffy, dippy, flaky, fooling around, foolish, for grins, freaky, gagged up, goofy, idiotic, illogical, inane, incongruous, irrational, jokey, joshing, laughable, loony, ludicrous, nonsensical, nutty, off the wall, preposterous, sappy, screwy, silly, stupid, tomfool, unreasonable, wacky, absurd, cretinous, daft, foolish, half-witted, idiotic, inane, moronic, silly, sophomoric, characterless, colorless, common, conventional, decent, dull, fair, fair to middling, fairish, humdrum, indifferent, inferior, insignificant, intermediate, mainstream, mean, medium, middling, moderate, no great shakes, of poor quality, ordinary, passable, pedestrian, run-of-the-mill, second-rate, so-so, standard, tolerable, undistinguished, unexceptional, uninspired, vanilla, boilerplate, common, commonplace, customary, dime a dozen, everyday, fair, fair to middling, familiar, garden, garden-variety, general, humdrum, intermediate, mainstream, mediocre, medium, middle of the road, middling, moderate, nowhere, ordinary, passable, plastic, regular, run of the mill, so-so, standard, tolerable, undistinguished, unexceptional, usual city that is! Carlos Dansby is a mediocre punk, who doesn’t understand that his team sucks, and is yet to realize that an excessive celebration after one good play is not going to reincarnate the dolphin’s hopes of making it into the playoffs.

poem

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.

I like this poem quite a bit. The reason for this is because it was quite humorous. It draws attention to the fact that people are becoming more and more uptight. This is an issue that affects many people, probably you, personally. It Also draws attention to the hypocrisy of most uptight people, as they celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense, but if they were to apply the same logic to Christmas as they do to everything else, this would be the result. I think it is important for people to remember not to take things so seriously, which is the message that this poem tries to display. Perhaps if more people read this poem, they would realize the error of their ways and relax a little bit.

Beauty: Not the dallas cowboys

What is beauty? Quite a valid question if you ask me! Beauty can be quite a few things. This week’s blog prompts are not beauty. They were incredibly trite and boring. Buju Banton, on the other hand, can be described as beauty. His musical flow is absolutely unparalleled, and his rhythm is impeccable. He is a musical genius, and for this reason, I consider him beauty. Flash games are also beauty. They are incredibly simple in concept and design, but for one reason or another, they are near impossible to stop playing. Some popular titles include truck loader, the world’s hardest game, the impossible game, and balloon tower defense. With names as creative and original as these, how could I even consider not categorizing them as gravity? Zach Rogers’ blogs are also beauty. They are quite straight forward and to the point. They usually have nothing to do with the blog prompt which they are intended to answer, but that is ok with me. These blogs usually turn out to be hilarious.  One more flash game: kids vs. ice-cream. That is awesome. But anyways, Zach’s blogs are definitely beautiful if you ask me, but you should probably read a few and find out for yourself. Michael Vick is also beauty. Over the past few weeks of the NFL season he has averaged over twenty five points per game for fantasy owners. If his passing accuracy isn’t enough to catch your eye, you should watch him run! His elusive style of play makes him a major threat to any team he faces. He also fought dogs. You have to admit, that is pretty awesome. Come on people, lighten up! They were just pitbulls. Pitbulls are mean! Nobody wants a pitbull! Am I wrong?! That’s what I thought. So anyways, Michael Vick is beauty.

writing

What have I learned about myself as a writer since I joined this class? Truth be told, I haven’t learned a whole lot. There are a number of reasons for this. I think the most glaring reason for this would be the fact that I have not taken any blogs and/or writing assignments seriously since the very first day of class. I usually post a very cynical or conical response to the blog prompt we are given. They are usually insulting to one group or another. This is intentional, because insulting people is funny. I would like to take this time to insult the people going on the senior trip in the spring. It’s four hundred dollars. You’re going to college in three months. You get three hours of early morning beach time. You get twenty hours of random shopping time. You do the math. (Just kidding, I’m only hating because I can’t afford to go. Have fun guys.) This, for me, is what the writing process is; Making fun of foolish people. Just think of something you perceive as foolish, and make fun of it. I like to write about puppies. This is because puppies are adorable, and also kind of foolish. Perfect, right?  This class has had a massive impact on my meathod of writing. It has turned me into a sarcastic, overly critical jerk. That’s the truth fools! You wanna turn into a jerk, make fun of people, and write funny articles? Then come on down to Mr. Currin’s fourth block online publishing class, where we make everyone feel stupid. Mr. Currin is a model, and Mrs. Gramza likes to use profanity. Mr. Currin is a hipster, because he has an unconventional beard. How cool. Oh lord, I lost the purpose. I love nachos.

Gnome

So, let’s say one day you happen to be walking in your back yard, and your neighbor’s garden gnome approaches you. I can only imagine my initial reaction would be to say something along the lines of “Far out, a talking gnome. What’s good homie?” His retort would probably be something along the lines of “Not much dawg. Wanna buy some crack?” I, being a non-crack-smoking individual would proceed to walk away from this talking gnome, and approach the next talking gnome. I’d most likely say something cool like “Oh sweet, another talking garden gnome!” He, of course would have a joyous reaction upon realizing I spoke his gnome language which we call English, and shout “Right on! Let’s play some kickball!” I’d be like “Cool Gnome, you can chill with me whenever you want!” and he’d be like “word!” Then we would proceed to playing a very passionate game of kickball. It will be the best game of kickball either of us has ever played, and we’ll play kickball for hours on end in our talking-gnome-kickball-happy world. After that, the gnome and I will roll over to the local meadow, and frolic in the flowers until we can frolic no more. Next, we would probably breakdance to our heart’s content. After that, we would assemble a group of our more musically inclined friends and go sit atop a hill. We wouldn’t actually play our instruments at all, we would just sit there and look creative. Then, Gnome would take up his bass guitar and shout over to us “Hey guys, watch this! When I hold this bass guitar to my chin, it becomes an epic beard!” And he will bring peace to our happy world with music from his magical beard.

games

Most are unaware of this fact, but I was born a poor child. This story may appear to start similar to that of Steve Martin in The Jerk, but I assure you, the two tales are vastly different. Truth be told, that is one of my favorite movies, but it has no parallels to my own life story. No, my story is far more sophisticated. I was orphaned at a very young age, and forced to live on the streets. Living in such harsh conditions, lead my friends and I to develop a sort of bitter sense of humor. Given this, we came up with some of the most mentally, emotionally, and physically demanding games known to man. One such game was called bum tag. The rules were simple, find a bum, grab his stash of money, and run. Then run some more, and keep running even still. The victor you may ask? It was of course the one who could run through the most traffic, the bum still in pursuit, and manage not to get hit by a car. This may seem simple to you, but it was much more complex to us. Different levels of traffic amounted to different points, the most points being awarded to thruway sprinters. Points were also awarded if you were hit by a car and unable to consider your dash to freedom. However, major bonus points were awarded to the brave souls who were hit, stood up, and continued to run from the pursuing homeless gentleman. Points also were awarded if you escaped from multiple bums chasing you at the same time. This game would come to a rapid conclusion if you or one of your friends was captured and taken to bum jail, a phrase meaning being assaulted in any way by a pursuing bum in an alley. This was a most unfortunate occurrence.

television: another toy that helped destroy an elder race of man

As a young lad, I spent a good deal of time watching television. One network stood out above all the rest as having a good amount of quality programming to satisfy my viewing pleasure. The network I am speaking of is, of course, Nickelodeon. The best part of this channel was obviously the cartoons that filled the days of my happy youth with oh so much laughter. Those were happy days, glorious days. They were better times. That was before everything changed. It’s been eight hundred ninety two days since this hell war started, and none of us have been the same since. No more silly television for us. The toys and clever rhymes that filled the days of my youth have been replaced with hand grenades and barbed wire! I’ve been forced to exchange my teddy bear for a rifle in an effort to save the mother land. The sad part is, most of my comrades, myself included would have it no other was, as it is an honor to stand against the fascist invaders. But anyways, I really used to enjoy shows like Hey Arnold!, as they depicted situations relevant to my youth, such as  my friends head that was shaped like a football, and my senile grandmother who helped me free an old turtle from the aquarium. It is always nice to have a show that I could relate to, to help remind me that no matter how much graffiti that old turtle had on it, it was never too late to set it free. I thank Hey Arnold every day for teaching me such a valuable lesson. See, that is the truly great thing about television, it teaches such positive values and morals, whether we knew it or not. TV really set a solid foundation for my youth.

art: not the dallas cowboys.

Art. What is it? What is art? Art is what? What can qualify as art? What has characteristics attributed to art? What are the characteristics attributed to art? What are things that are art-like? What are art-like things? What makes these things art-like? How can one distinguish something that is art from something that is not art? What things indicate that something is art, as compared to things that indicate something is not art? What must one learn to look for in order to determine if something is art? What must someone learn to look for to determine if something is not art? Is art things that are cool? Is art things that are lame? Is art definable? How does one determine if art is definable? Is this blog total bs? Will I get a bad grade on this? Probably not. But to answer the previously posed questions, I have no idea. I don’t take art classes. Why is this you may ask? Because I don’t care about art. I find it to be a particularly dry subject, and hence one I do not excel in. How then, can I possibly write a blog on what art is? Well if you ask me (not that you did) I would say I’m doing a pretty good job. I would consider Michael Vick art. This is mainly due to the fact that he accounted for three touchdowns yesterday against the Houston Texans. Also, I started him on my fantasy team, which makes me happy. 28 points later, it would appear as though I have quite the edge on my competition. I trust that Michael will continue to be a playmaker for my fantasy team as I enter the playoffs. This fact also makes me quite happy. I think that’s what art is, stuff that makes you happy.

step off yo!

Tiger style!

So this one day, me and my homie Rizza were kickin it straight up funky fresh, when we heard a knock on the door. What did we see when we answered the door you may ask? It was some thugs looking to get their hands all up in our cash. My first instinct was to introduce them to my cold steel, but I was hit with a right hook before I could get my gat out. Rizza however was a little faster, and was able to dust a few off before being knocked unconscious himself. The thugs raided our crib, taking everything they could get their hands on. After they departed our humble abode, we got straight to planning our revenge. Me and Rizza called up our crew and hopped in our whips. We rolled up to them foo’s casa and shot the joint up so heavy they were running out the back door. We had Antoine cut them off and throw em in the back of the truck. We were able to capture a private jet, and used it to transport them thugs to India. We took em out into the jungle and met up with a few of my tiger homies. They were so surprised to see us, as indicated by the photo above. So our tiger homies stomped up to them thugs and tor them to pieces. It was pretty cool I guess. Then, for the rest of the summer, we just chilled out and partied in India. It was a straight up fiesta with tigers and elephants and money and ladies and such. India parties rule.

el gecko

The photo I chose to write my blog on was entitled “Smith’s Green-Eyed Gecko.” It is a very interesting image indeed. This is due predominately to the main subject of this picture. It is, of course, smith’s green-eyed gecko. This little critter has earned it’s self a very prestigious title indeed. The smith’s green eyed gecko is, as we all know, the most chill animal on the planet. What makes me say this you may ask? I mean surely the sloth or perhaps the turtle must be more chill than the smith’s green eyed gecko. That, my friends, is where you’re wrong. Silly sloths and turtles can’t even begin to fathom how downright shill the smith’s green eyed gecko is! I mean, have you ever come across a gecko and been all like “AHHH! It’s a gecko! That’s not chill!” Well, I don’t know this, as I’ve most likely never been present on your lizard spotting expeditions. I can however tell you what my personal reaction to seeing a smith’s green eyed gecko is. First of all, there is a lot less yelling. I’m fairly certain the first words out of my mouth are “Oh hey, a smith’s green eyed gecko. That’s pretty chill.” Do you know why this is the first thing I say? Because it is the single most chill animal on the planet. It has green eyes for heaven’s sake! Smith must have been one chill dude to have this animal named exclusively after him! Let’s try a word association shall we? Tiger: not chill. Turtle: kinda chill. Grizzly bear: Ray Lewis. Smith’s green eyed gecko: The Baha Men, who happen to be the most chill band on the planet. Baha Men should play a set with the smith’s green eyed gecko on bass. That would be chill.

Natawny Jones

Top ten things about Nate:
10. His awesome ability as an athlete
9. His awesome ability as a lab partner
8. The fact that Mr. Currin limits his internet privileges, but not Pinky’s
7. The fact that he is Scottish
6. His friends, Monbrolito and Magic-Markers Herter
5. Knowledge of all things NFL related
4. Knowledge of all things college football related
3. Taste in music
2. His band is just fantastic; by the way, which one’s Pink?
1. His collegiate athlete impression

Walls.

Fear builds walls. How does one analyze this statement? Well, I analyze it as Mr. Currin watching the wall this weekend and deciding he could impress some of his students by making a quote from the movie a topic for his blogs in online publishing class. Oh wow, he has such great taste in music! He is soooo in touch with teenager’s tastes. He’s so unconventional! When I grow up, I want to be just like him! I can say these sarcastic and somewhat insulting things because Mr. Currin doesn’t read these anyways lol. By the way, Brad Childress got fired! That’s kinda lame. So is Vince Young being all whiney and walking out on the Titans. Grow up. But at least he’s gone now right?? In this holiday season, it’s important to remember the small blessings. Anyways, fear builds walls. There is a very involved backstory to this that I think you should all know. There is a man from Tuscaloosa Alabama I know. He works for his father’s construction company as a mason. The main job that that man does is stacking bricks to construct the foundation for many buildings. The man’s name is Lawrence D. Fear, hence, fear builds walls. Boom! Face! Done! Ha, I don’t even have 250 words yet, but I’m just gonna stop here, because I don’t even give a care! Step off yo!

Independance day starring will smith, tonight a 9/8 central only on TNT

What is my favorite holiday? My, what a difficult question to answer that is. (For an explanation of the first two sentences of this blog, see my last blog. It explains in whole). Well, for this on I would have to go with the fourth of July. This is not the most common answer I’m sure, but it’s mine. Why do I love this holiday so you may ask? Well, the answer lies in a combination. First and foremost, I love the history behind it. I think it is important to remember the founding fathers of America who defeated the communists on that fateful day in 1942. Despite the angry hoards of Russians that fell upon the city of Richmond Virginia riding their bears, the likes of Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and George Washington were able to defend their small army post until their Swedish reinforcements could arrive. The bravery displayed by those men and others like them is the spirit that makes America so great. What else makes this holiday so special you may ask? Well my personal favorite part of it is the time of the year. It is virtually the only holiday that you can celebrate for an entire month without any fear of your time being cut short! Furthermore, it is warm enough in July to move the fiesta outside. Who doesn’t prefer to celebrate under the stars as opposed to being stuck inside? For those of you who still don’t like the Fourth of July, I have just two words for you; red, white, and blue jello. This is the only holiday that allows us to display the colors that represent our national pride while enjoying a delicious sugar concoction. If you are still a skeptic, then shame on you. The Fourth of July rules.

what am I thankful for?

What am I thankful for? Now this is a very difficult question to answer, but before I answer that, I would like to talk about the significance of the first two sentences of my blog. They all seem to start the same way don’t they? I pose a question (which has already been posed to me by my teacher) then I go on to explain how it will be difficult to answer this question. I just realized that. My how boring that is. I won’t lie, I’m a little disappointed by the fact that my blogs are so repetitive and predictable. But anyway, what am I thankful for? Wait, let’s go back a minute. That’s another example of repetition in my blogs. I always go off on some long tangent about something seemingly irrelevant to the question posed to me that I repeated in the first sentence of my blog. This probably occurs for a number of reasons. The most likely reason however is that I am looking for extra words to fill the minimum word count required by my teacher. See Mr. Currin, this is what happens when you require us to write three hundred words. My god, I just found a few other sources of repetition! First of all, I always allude to the fact that I am rambling to fill the minimum word count. This often occurs in a cynical manner. Also, I always address my teacher Mr. Currin directly, despite the fact that he probably isn’t even reading this far. This is a testable thesis though, isn’t it? Mr. Currin, if you’re reading this statement, comment on this blog saying the code word “attentive.” Fool proof. But anyways, I am thankful for Michael Vick, because he got my fantasy team sixty four points yesterday, leading them to victory.

ALL I DO IS WINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is winning? Well, that is hard to say. Typically, for someone to be a winner, they must participate in some kind of open competition. This can be anything from a boxing match, to who can chug maple syrup the fastest. Typically, a competition such as this has a goal, such as knocking the other guy’s teeth out, or chugging a whole gallon of maple syrup, then knocking the other guy’s teeth out. The person who is best at completing these goals is said to be the winner. But how do you keep track of who does this the best? Well, a scoring system is usually applied here. This score is usually displayed on a score board of some sort. Judging from the variables above, we can derive this formula: assuming score one > score two, score one=victorious. Assuming score one < score two, score two is victorious. Assuming score 1 = score two, a victor cannot be determined from the information given. If a situation such as this occurs, a period of overtime will be required. Given the variable of overtime, assuming score one + any additional scoring post overtime > score two + any additional scoring post overtime, score one is victorious. Assuming score one + any additional scoring post overtime < score two + any additional scoring post overtime, score two is victorious. A different variant of over time is also popular throughout the sports world. This is known as sudden death over time. To be properly performed, one score must result in the end of competition, with the team who scored the point taking the victory. This can be represented by the following formulas: Assuming score one = score two pre overtime, score one + 1 point + a score congruent to victory. Assuming score one = score two pre overtime, score two + 1 point = a score congruent to victory. That is what winning is.

memorable quotes

Quotes to live by:
The first quote I live by comes from one Mr. Walter Sobchak: “You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.” This was prompted by a foot fault during a bowling match. Despite everyone insisting that this was no big deal, Mr. Sobchak knew better. He knows that there are rules to be followed, and that breaking them would be a travesty. I mean, this isn’t Vietnam, there are rules! I think that it is important to remember this, as it makes society a better place for all of us.
The next quote I live by is from Harvey Keitel in the 1994 classic Pulp Fiction. Harvey states “That's thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten.” The reason I live by this is because I like to do important things with a sense of urgency. If one procrastinates long enough, things tend to never get done. I have a name for people that constantly procrastinate. I like to call those people pinkies, and nobody wants to be a pinky, right? So remember folks, always maintain a healthy sense of urgency!
My next quote really has no relevance to my life, but I like it anyway. “If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then somebody’s really good at training their dog.” I feel that this is a self-explanatory statement.

lunch for three

If I could have lunch with any three people, I would have probably never get lunch, because I would have such a difficult time deciding who to eat with. I do however think one choice is obvious. The first person I would select would have to be Paula Dean. This is so obvious, because somebody has to cook right? And Paula can cook like a champ! I can guarantee our lunch would consist of no less than three thousand calories and two sticks of butter. This would probably be the most delicious lunch I had ever eaten. I wouldn’t have time to talk to the other people, because I would be too busy talking about how delicious the rest of the food is. The other two people would have to be pretty impressive to distract me, so for my next selection I would take Jamarcus Russell. This may sound stupid to you, but I can only assume that at some point in my life I will land myself in jail, and I need a mentor. You know, someone to show me the ropes and make sure no funny prison movie stuff goes down. Also, I’m curious as to how he got so fat, so I could most likely get some closure on that one. The last person I would choose would be famous boxing official Mills Lane, because chances are things between Paula Dean and Jamarcus Russell would get pretty heated, and I at least want a fair fight. Go Paula!

thanksgiving yo

I celebrate a pretty traditional Thanksgiving with my family. Every year, I get up early to go hunting with my dad and grandfather. This usually doesn’t result in too much success, but despite the cold and boredom, It’s usually a pretty good time, and a chance to talk with my Grandpa. By the time I get home, I usually have just enough time to jump in a quick shower and make myself presentable. Then my whole family takes a ride over to my mom’s parent’s house to celebrate the holiday (I know, a bit of a cliché). Here, the celebration really kicks in to full gear. A good amount of my mom’s family show up to help the celebration, along with some good family friends. We spend a good portion of the evening watching football, and wondering why Detroit still gets to play on Thanksgiving. After a good amount of speculation on what’s wrong with the NFL, It’s finally time for the best part of the night. My favorite part of the holiday, hands down, is the food. We have every traditional holiday food imaginable to choose from. Selections range from turkey and ham to stuffing and mashed potatoes, with a lot of cranberry sauce and jello in between. After dinner is served, everyone makes an effort to clean up so we can get desert on the table faster. Our Thanksgiving desert usually consists of homemade cookies, ice cream, and no less than four varieties of pie. Everyone eats until they’ve had their fill then sets off for home on a full stomach.

Respek

Respect is kind of an abstract concept if you ask me. It can be described in a lot of different ways, but it is best demonstrated, so instead of trying to come up with some cliché definition, I’ll just list a few ways you can show it. They are as follows: keeping your distance from an angry bear, not murdering your second cousin, avoiding the state of Oklahoma in general, not murdering your second cousin’s nosy friend, cooperating with law enforcement, not cooperating with law enforcement, not making fun of the Buffalo Bill’s decision to claim Shawne Merriman off waivers, not throwing things at Tila Tequila during an ICP concert, not beating up Tila Tequila because you’re Shawne Merriman, Returning a missing dog, returning a missing hat, returning a missing copy of “Pulp Fiction,” Freeing hat McCoy, not stealing your neighbor’s wireless internet, not stealing cable, not kicking your dog due to the fact that “He just looked kickable,” not kicking your spouse for the same or a similar reason, asking consent prior to tickling somebody, not littering, turning off your high beams on a busy stretch of road, knocking before entering, not insisting on talking out of turn, not fighting with strangers, not fighting with the pope, not fighting at a funeral, not talking in the middle of an episode of “South Park,” not claiming Randy Moss off waivers, claiming Shawne Merriman off waivers, not entering a supermarket claiming that you are a mustard inspector and proceeding to dump copious amounts of mustard all over your face and body, and of course opening doors.

My Ideal Job

As a senior in high school, I have discovered it necessary to think of a career for my post-educational life. Some might consider a life as a cobbler, while others will still choose being a blacksmith. Some others will take a humble life working in the gristmill, but not me. Oh no, I have set my sights much higher! I hope to someday achieve the highest position in all the land. This job is reserved for only the most prestigious of folks, and carries with it some very important responsibilities. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about, of course, the king of Blueberry Mountain. That’s right folks, I’ll settle for nothing less than perfection. The king of Blueberry Mountain is not a position to be taken lightly. There is a great deal of work that goes along with the title. First of all, you must defend the city muffin from the invading troops of Bruce Vilanch. This is easier said than done. Bruce comes with hoards of hungry demons in hopes of depleting the town’s blueberry supply. Only the king, perched high in his fortress atop the mountain can direct troop movements against Bruce Vilanch. In addition to the defense of Blueberry Mountain, the king must be prepared to serve his people in any way possible. The main focus of his efforts is keeping the elders of the gum tree village happy, so that they keep electing him into office. This can be achieved by buying candy and giving foot massages. I realize that this may be a tricky bit of work, but I Think I’m cut out for it.

10/25-10/29 #3

In today’s society, there seems to be a generous lack of role models and people worth looking up to. This makes the task of determining someone I look up to near impossible. If I had to pick one person I look up to, it would have to be someone truly incredible. I am talking about, of course, Tom Green. He is the absolute epitome of genius, and the human incarnation of awesomeness. How anyone could not see how Tom Green is an ideal role model for people from all walks of life is beyond me. He is clearly who children need to be looking up to. It is so refreshing to have someone in the spotlight who promotes positive morals and an optimistic outlook in life in general. He would never, ever intentionally do something for the purpose of irritating another person, or even think about capitalizing at the expense of others. You will never see Tom Green doing anything your grandma wouldn’t approve of. He really is a fantastic individual. The very best thing about Tom is the fact that he doesn’t claim to be a hero, even though we all know he is. It is a fool who doesn’t see what a genuinely nice person Tom Green is. This nation needs more men like him. Absolutely every aspect of his life is oozing with the kind of perfection only found in one other person. That’s right folks, Chris Pontius. Together, these men have the potential to do great things. Why not make an awesome TV show? I believe that MTV 2 has some time slots open, seen as though all they play anymore are re-runs of room raiders and made. I do believe that once this plan is put into action, Michelle Obama will once again be comfortable looking on her country with pride.

10/25-10/29 #2

Injuries are not fun. I think that this goes without saying. I, Johnny Law, wish to share with you a tale that explains one of my past injuries, but also demonstrates my obvious manly toughness. I assure you that this story is one hundred percent non-fiction, so please don’t doubt my authenticity. I’ll start this one from the top. The date was April the twenty-first 1996. I’d only been on the force for one year at the time, so I was still pretty much a rookie. It was a brisk day, and one that was just strange in general. Earlier that week, I had to deal with two hooligans that had a couple squirt guns, and were bingin’ da ruckus all over town! This was the first real action I had seen up until that point, and all the guys back at the station held me as a hero for this act of bravery. With the knowledge that I was the baddest cop in the force, I was ready to hit the streets once more. Now back to the twenty first. As I said before, this day was strange. It was like nothing bad was happening, so I figured the only logical thing to do would be to instigate the random teenagers around town until one of them did something irrational. That would be the only way to keep my title as the coolest cop in the town. The first few teenagers to walk by, I questioned them intensely. I poked one in the chest and he stepped back, saying he didn’t want any trouble. I knew he was lying right away, so I threw him to the ground and tried to cuff him. I decided this would be much easier if he was unconscious, so I kicked him in the head repeatedly. Eventually, I got the cuffs on him, and started taking him to the car. On the way over, I stubbed my toe on a rock, and it was all that trouble maker’s fault! He was later convicted of resisting arrest and assaulting an officer of the law. That wasn’t the end for me though. I suffered from post-traumatic stress for several years, and saw a police shrink for a while. I still have nightmares, but at least I’m still the coolest cop in town.

10/25-10/29 #1

Ah, Ryan Pinkowski. Where does one even begin to fathom the activities Ryan partakes in during his free time? All I know is that whatever it is, it makes him very sleepy. This is demonstrated by the almost constant tired and drawn out look in his face. The mystery activity also makes Ryan very, very happy. We know this to be true, because he always comes into school in the morning with a big smile on his face. This activity must take up a big portion of his life, because whatever it is, it distracts him to the point of not being able to perform his school work. This activity must be very important to him if he allows it to prohibit him from getting decent grades. We all know that grades are one of the most important things for a teenager to maintain, so whatever Ryan does in his spare time, it must be very important!!! The only thing that could possibly make sense is the thing I witnessed Ryan doing last Saturday evening. Ryan was teaching orphans to read from the bible all night! He taught them proper spelling, grammar, and even moral connotations. Clearly the fact that he stays up all night teaching orphans to read is the source of his sleepiness and inability to function in class. The satisfaction he gets from his job must be the source of the big smile he wears on his face almost every morning when he comes into school. Gee, what a great guy that Ryan Pinkowski is. I mean just think about it! He teaches orphans to read! While most other teenagers are out stealing from A-Plus, getting into fights, and using drugs in the streets, Ryan is busy showing the magic of literacy to under-privileged children. He is truly a source of inspiration for us all.

10/18-10/22 #3

The scariest place on earth would have to be Mexico. It’s filled with drug cartels and dangerous rebels that serve to make this country a very hostile environment. Mexico has no money, which assists to make it a terrifying place. Just think, these people have a space program! This is not something to be done on a low budget. What happens if you have to go to the hospital in Mexico? I can only imagine that the most sophisticated tools they have are a pair of pliers and a jar of paint thinner. Also, have you ever heard of any lakes in Mexico? How can you run a country without any fresh water? No wonder everyone’s trying to leave! That place is just terrible. I think the best thing to do about this is to avoid Mexico in general.I'm in a crappy mood and it's my birthday, so I'm gonna stop talking before I say anything too offensive.

10/18-10/22 #2

Sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Boss here. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. And during the turn of the millennium in Alden, New York, that man was Nate Bailey. Now the boss’ story takes place right about the time of our conflict with Sadam and the Iraqis. Only reason this is worth mentioning is because it goes along with a pretty sweet quote from The Big Lebowski . Truth be told, this here prerequisite don’t have much relevance to Nate’s story, but I felt it was a pretty moving introduction. Now one day as the boss was roaming on home from a long evening at that ol’ watering hole he loved so much, he came across a lonely old hotel. Sign over the door read “Hotel California” which was simple enough to lull any man into a false sense of security. The boss rolled in to find it vacant; quiet enough to hear even the faintest moan from a stuck pig (I liked that line). Nate decided he would be a fool not to let himself into a room and proceeded to do so. He tried to rest his eyes for a minute on the dusty bed, but was soon greeted by a whole company of ghosts. Boss man booked it to the door but a spirit beat him to it. Darkness washed over the Boss, darker then a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. From this there was no escape. The boss is still stuck in that room today, trying to escape from all the dastardly spirits that haunt him. I for one find it rather displeasing that we won’t be hearing from the boss any time soon.

10/18-10/22 #1

Nate Bailey is in fact a boss. Haters gonna hate. You may wonder what makes him a boss. The answer is simple: He doesn’t need a reason, he’s Nate Bailey. Because I don’t have any supporting arguments for this statement (and don’t need any) I wish to take this time to talk to you about a recent incident at Alden high school, during which a plague of angry cats descended upon the school. First off, it is important for you to know that they are dangerous! Do not make any attempt to approach these cats, as they are vicious and ready to kill. They hide in heaters and recycling bins, waiting for unsuspecting victims to pass by. Respected reporter Zach Rogers will be submitting an article to Alden’s online newspaper in which he details the facts you need to know about these vile felines, so I won’t steal his thunder. Still looking for another 100 words, I will be forced to ramble about nothing specific. One point worth mentioning is the incredible lack of work ethic from the student behind me. All he has done in the past 20 minutes is discuss bringing more cats into school, and listen to music entirely too loud. He has also been listening to the song 2am by Slightly Stoopid, which is a very good song, but not one conducive to completing work on time. His actions prove to me that he is not a boss. Nate Bailey, on the other hand, is. Face.

10/11-10/15 #3

The Best Band ERRRR!!!!!!!!!
I have to say, I absolutely hate this blog prompt. It’s absolute trash if you ask me. One may wonder how such a light hearted question prompted such a harsh response. Well the answer to that question is quite simple actually. For a person such as me who listens to a great variety of music, it would be impossible to select one band that tops all the rest. Each band I listen to has their own distinct styles, and I enjoy all of them, or else I wouldn’t listen to them. It is, in my opinion, wrong to be closed minded to a particular style of music, except country of course, because country is just terrible. I don’t even know what country music is other than trash. It’s like it’s trying to be blues, or bluegrass, or rock or something. All of those are just fine on their own, but when you combine them, add a liquored up singer, and toss in a few stereotypes of the southern United States, you just get garbage. But anyways, the way I see it, a good band needs just a few things for me to listen. A: the singer must be over the age of sixteen. B: Know how to rip on a guitar or a drum set before you try. C: Have a message of some sort and believe in it. Don’t just sing about nothing in the hopes of making a quick buck. D: You gotta be able to jam.

10/11-10/15 #2

The best class ererrr!!!!!!!
The best class ever, for me, is a very easy decision. For me, a perfect class is non-existent, although online publishing with Mr. Currin comes close. Pinky and Nate, I know you’re gonna give me crap for saying that, but just don’t. Ok? Just stop it right now. Get back to work. You have blogs due. But as I was saying, the concept of a perfect class is just ridiculous. The fact that I have to be in a school to learn anything new makes perfection a complete impossibility. Think about the possibilities there would be if you weren’t stuck in a classroom. You could ride a bike, go bowling, watch re-runs of “Da Ali G show!”, get into a fist fight, have a part time job, move to New Jersey, move back out of New Jersey because you realized that it’s disgusting, start a band, or even learn to cook. See I would like a class that allows you to come and go as you please. What would be taught in this class you may ask? Well ideally, it would teach bike riding, bowling, how to get free episodes of “Da Ali G Show!” online, how to get in a fist fight, how to avoid a fist fight, why moving to New Jersey is a terrible idea, why moving to Nebraska is an even worse idea, how to start a band, how to draft an ideal fantasy football team so your students aren’t forced to send you info from NFL.com in the middle of class, and even how to cook. Now that class would rule.

10/11-10/15 #1

My Ideal meal would consist of more than one thing. As food is a matter of flavor and not order, I will not be listing any specific food stuffs. My alternative you may ask? I will list the most appropriate ingredients, and leave it up to the catacombs of your imagination to prepare a feast worthy of a king. The ingredients are as follows: A basic meat, preferably beef, no less than five different varieties of cheese, bacon, frosting, a healthy bit of fruit i.e. pineapple or mango, peppers ranging on the scoval heat scale from one to one hundred thousand, koolaid, bacon, pasta, bacon, a secondary meat, preferably poultry such as turkey or chicken, graham crackers, blue berries, kalamari, bacon, bacon, bacon, shoes, a digital clock, a non-digital clock, a grandfather clock (obviously broiled to perfection), Arabica coffee beans, velocity energy shots (available at your local A+ convenience center), slim jims, pudding of varying flavor, tortilla chips, 7up, black olives, bacon, ice cream, ring pops, everything served at Kentucky Fried Chicken barring double downs, double downs, triple downs (someone has definitely tried that), quadruple downs (that’s where they drew the line), lettuce, a stepping stool, a microwave oven, white hot dance moves, gun powder, more frosting, walnuts, any three items from China King, hot sauce of at least seven different brand names, Burt Reynold’s mustache, and two zested lemons. Well there you have it. The ultimate list of ingredients for a proper meal. Now get a shopping cart, several thousand dollars, and get cooking!

10/4-10-8 #3

A very difficult bit of work lies ahead for me. You see, for my online publishing class, I have been asked to select three of my favorite movies to write about. Foolishly, I made the mistake of not taking the time to think through this question. I have already written my first two blog posts on the subject, but am having an issue writing the third. You see, my third movie is difficult to describe in a school appropriate manner, so much will need to be left out of my analysis for the sake of keeping things tasteful. American Beauty is a true cult-classic. The main character is a middle aged man named Lester, played by Kevin Spacey. Lester’s life is very bland and boring, and his wife is a major control freak. He is going through a mid-life crisis when he is informed that he will most likely lose his job. This turns into an awakening experience for him, when he realizes that he no longer has to live his life in the manner his family expects him to. From that moment on, he does everything he can to live the way he wants. He buys a brand new car and even blackmails his boss for a year’s salary. Things culminate when he becomes acquainted with the rather strange family who lives next door, and his wife begins having an affair. I won’t ruin the ending for you, but I have to say, this movie is a must see.

10/3-10/8 #2

With such a taste for cinema, it is very difficult to choose just one favorite, but one that comes very close is a nineties cult classic. That’s right, I’m talking about The Big Lebowski. Played by Jeff Bridges, the main character of this movie is an awesome, unemployed, bowling lover, ex-hippie (debatable) named Jeff Lebowski but better known simply as “The Dude” (or, uh, his dudeness, duder, el duderino if you’re not into that whole brevity thing). This movie also stars John Goodman and Steve Buscemi as The Dude’s friends Walter and Donny. The movie starts At The Dude’s house, where a rug (which really tied the room together) is defiled by several mobsters. Turns out, they were looking for a much richer Mr. Lebowski, whose wife owed them money for more than one thing. The Dude goes to the rich Lebowski, demanding to be reimbursed for the rug, but is quickly denied by the ill-tempered Mr. Lebowski. When his wife is kidnapped days later, Mr. Lebowski recruits The Dude’s help to pay the ransom. With The Dude and Walter in control of the situation, a high degree of humor ensues. If you have any sence of humor whatsoever you need to see this movie.

10/3-10/8 #1

One of my all-time favorite movies is titled Pulp Fiction. This is a 1994 drama/dark comedy directed by Quentin Tarentino. It follows three main characters, two mobsters named Jules Verne and Vincent Vega (John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson) and a professional boxer named Butch (Bruce Willis). Other appearances include Ving Rhames as Marsellus Wallace, Uma Thurman as Wallace’s wife, Harvey Keitel, Christopher Walken, Eric Stoltz, Rosanna Arquette, and Tim Roth. It is apparent that this movie has quite the all-star cast of characters. The plot surrounds Vega and Verne’s assignment to recover the mysterious contents of Marsellus Wallace’s stolen brief case. It is this job that prompts Verne to retire as a criminal. After this, Vega is asked to recover money that was stolen from Wallace by Bruce Willis’ character Butch. One of the most interesting elements in this movie is Tarentino’s decision to alter the sequence of events. This makes the movie somewhat difficult to follow, but after watching it several times, the order becomes apparent. This also serves to keep the audience in suspense. Some of the best parts of this movie are the scattered bits of comedy. You have to have a taste for sarcasm to find this movie funny, but if you do, this movie is hysterical.

9/27-10/1 #3

Ah, sweet winter. How many people adore your icy grasp. People come from all over to adore the snow covered states of the north. I on the other hand am not one of those people. I hate that season with an intensity that most sane people couldn’t even begin to comprehend! What is wrong with these people? Winter isn’t fun, it’s just cold, and let me tell you, there is nothing fun about being cold. Think about it, when’s the last time you said “Oh hey, I’m not cold enough. I really want to be colder. Better yet, I wish that my entire town was covered in ice!” That’s just absolutely ridiculous! This is why my favorite season is summer. You see, in the summer, everything is warm! That’s the way things are supposed to be, nice and warm. Can you honestly say you would enjoy yourself on a beach in the middle of winter? Now consider the same setting in the middle of July. Much better right? Right. Nothing beats the summer time. Just jamming out on the beach with your homies, listening to some great tunes, sippin’ some Dr. Pepper. That is one hundred percent unbeatable. So next time you decide that winter is the best season, think for a minute and I’m sure you’ll decide that summer is far superior.

9/27-10/1 #2

I really haven’t visited any place of interest lately, which is a problem because I have to write a blog about it. You can see where this would be an issue, no? So what can I write about, short of rambling to fill the two hundred twenty five word minimum? (for the record, I only wrote out that number, two hundred twenty five, to contribute to the word count. If you can’t tell, the sentence I am writing right now is just filler as well). But anyways, since I have no place to write about, I’m going to discuss my house. My house (or mi casa for our friends south of the border) is one cool place to live. It’s a two and a half bath, five bedroom home. The cool thing about that is that most of the rooms are unoccupied due to my older siblings going to college or moving out. This plays into my favor, because it means I don’t have to share it!(I’m very possessive when it comes to MY house). The very best part of my house would have to be my basement. It’s very comfortable and decked out with all of the necessary amenities for teenage living. These include satellite T.V., air hockey table, DVD player, Xbox 360, dart board, couches, and food. It’s the perfect place to kick it with your homies and jam out for the evening. The only thing missing is a bowling alley.

9/27-10/1 #1

My interview with His Excellency Zach Rogers

Me:  Zach, what sort of things do you enjoy doing with you free time?

Zach:  Magnets.

Me:  Like, what do you do with magnets?

Zach:  no, no, just magnets. I am also employed at Carbone’s pizzeria where I spend my time slingin’ dough

Me:  well that’s sure fun. What type of music do you enjoy?

Zach:  I mostly like hip hop and reggae.

Matt:  Any specific artists?

Zach:  Yeah I like The Dirty Heads and Lil Wayne, but my favorite would have to be Kid Cudi.

Matt:  Nice! Do you watch any movies

Zach:  Yeah I mostly watch comedies. I like anything with Seth Rogan. I like Step Brothers, Pineapple Express, and Superbad.

Matt:  Do you do any sports?

Zach: PARTY!!!!!!!

Matt:  Well thanks, but that doesn’t answer my question.

Zach: Oh sorry. No I don’t but I love lacrosse. My favorite team is the bandits

Matt: Care to tell me about your family?

Zach: Well, I actually don’t have a family besides my brother Jake. You see we grew up in Colorado. At a young age we jumped on a train and made it all the way to buffalo. Now here we are.

9/20-9/24#3-past

Ah, the past. What a different place it would be if we could all go back in time and fix our past mistakes. Honestly, I really don’t know if that would make the world a better place though. I think the key to living is being able to learn from your past. I can think of quite a few times that I learned from mistakes in my past, too many to count as a matter of fact. But one in particular comes to mind. One day as a young lad of perhaps seven or eight, I was walking through the city of buffalo. Now earlier in the day, my parents had given me about five dollars to spend, as we were on our way to do a bit of shopping. At one corner, we passed a rather rough looking man. He held a sign on his lap, and I was tempted to read it. On the sign, the man had written “Spare change please.” Now as a young (not to mention naïve) kid, I felt bad for the man. I reached into my pocket and handed the man the majority of my money. He thanked me and I felt great for doing it. My family and I continued on to our destination, where I saw a shirt I really liked. Problem was, I gave most of my money to the homeless man and could no longer afford it. On our way back to our vehicle we passed the man again, and again he asked us for spare change. It was then that I learned a very important lesson: never trust a bum. I proceeded to kick the man in the face and shouted “Get a job loser!” he tried to get up but I pounced on him, landing a few punches. As I got up to walk away I shouted at him again. “You better not get up if you want to keep your teeth!” Oh boy am I glad I learned such a valuable lesson that day!

9/20-9/24 present

I will be the very first person to tell you I love my life. Why, you may ask? Truth be told, I have no idea! My athletic skill is limited for sure, my money situation is far from ideal, my school talent is mediocre at best, and as for that whole girlfriend situation, well let’s just avoids that subject. So clearly there's not much to love, right? Now there's where you're wrong. My soul reason for my love of life would have to be my friends. It's a truly comforting feeling knowing that there are other people I can talk to that share similar interests and thoughts with me. The highlight of my day is usually Meeting up with my homies in between classes to discuss the latest news and events in our lives. We don’t gossip, but rather share our personal thoughts on whatever may be on our mind. This can range from football (usually the subject on Monday morning) to bands and music. These discussions can turn into some rather heated debates, but in the end we usually agree to disagree. After all, isn’t that what good friends are supposed to do? But my favorite thing about friends is our weekend meetings. On a nearly weekly basis, myself and my friends Ryan and Zach meet up to do nothing in particular, but we usually end up doing something spectacular such as playing poker, or entering a bowling tournament(this can turn into quite a groovy affair). Ok, so in reality my life is pretty standard, but it’s loaded with a ton of great people who make it all worth while.

Future

The future, for me, is somewhat uncertain at this time. I think I'm heading down the right path, because nothing has told me I was wrong yet. One would think that if I was headed in the dead wrong direction I would know already. As for where I'm headed, I have no clue. I hope to go to college and get a lucrative career. I have no intention of being a bum, but I'm willing to ride the wave where it takes me. If I decide to abandon my college plans, I do have a backup. I think my best option would be to jump on a passing train at midnight and go for the ride. I could embark on an odyssey where I overcome diversity and learn more about myself then I ever knew before. I could live out the rest of my life as a train-hopper, meeting new people and trying tons of new things. Think, where would you be if you chose this path? You'd probably be some awesome local hero with tons of cool stories to tell your grandkids. Problem is, to have grandkids, you would have to get married, and there seems to be a shortage of female train-hoppers. Despite this minor issue, you have to admit, it would still be pretty awesome! Or you could take the safe path and get a good education. Then you could get a job conducting a train and spend your day fantasizing about how sweet your life would be if you would have just gotten on that train that night your senior year.

9/13-9/17 #3



Here we have, simply enough, five separate roses, or so it would appear. I'm quite positive that behind this image is a very symbolic rationale. Doesn't that always seem to be the way of things? It can never just be a picture of something. There always has to be a deeper, artsy meaning. If you ask me (not that you did) this picture is pretty straight forward. There are four vertical flowers and one horizontal flower. The vase seems to be disappearing with each vertical flower. Simple, right? But some may interpret this in a different manner, like a statement on class struggle or symbolism on life passing to death. Don't ask me how this is. Maybe I'm under-analyzing, or maybe the others are over-analyzing. Despite this, it's really not up to me to decide, but to whoever may be viewing this image to interpret it in their own way.

9/13-9/17 #2

This image is particularly interesting. For starters, it would appear as though this young lad has stolen his outfit from the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. One may question where he came across the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, as he was blown up at the end of Ghostbusters. I'm afraid this is a mystery that will go unsolved. Despite this, there seems to be several other elements that are out of place. For instance, there are two beach balls, but only one is being played with. this raises the question; What is wrong with the other beach ball? Is it an outcast? Is it incapable of playing? Or is it just a USC fan so distraught that it refuses to express joy of any sort? Once again, I'm afraid this mystery will remain just that: a mystery. Perhaps the two-dimensional trees have the answer, but we will never find this out because trees are incapable of talking.

9/13-9/17 #1

 There is clearly a lot going on in this particular image. I wish to share my personal analysis of what is happening here. This man clearly opened his pantry door, accidentally discovering, and entering a new dimension. Now, you may think that this story will go the way of Narnia, but luckily I'm a bit more creative than that. The dimension this man slipped into happened to be set in the year 20010 which, ironically, reverts back to the 1970's. The only way the man could describe the zone he had entered was both groovy and mysterious. The first person he encountered was a U.S.C. student named Nate, who invited him to partake in a bowling tournament. The man had nothing better to do, so he accepted the invitation. It was during this bowling tournament that the band Phish made an appearance and played a full set list. The man realized that he had no desire to return home, and decided to live in this parallel dimension forever. It is because of the aforementioned events that I would entitle this image TheGroovyMysteriousBowlingTournament20010withPhish.